Douglass-Riverview News and Current Events: Xavier "Tim" Hall - "Sometimes, You Just Gotta Let God Take Control of Things"

National comedian Xavier "Tim" Hall, Kingsport's own Crown Prince of Comedy, talks about life, death, family, and how a removed brain tumor gave him a whole new outlook on life. This unedited interview in his Kingsport home with my questions in all caps, was done with the Douglass website just a couple of weeks ago for a March benefit gospel concert to help defray his medical and family bills. This would be the last public interview Tim would ever do.. he passed away on Monday, March 19, 2012 from the lingering effects of brain surgery. But here he is, still cracking jokes and having a good time being interviewed, but with a renewed purpose in his life. He'll be in our hearts forever --- EDITOR

TIM, HOW ARE THINGS GOING RIGHT NOW?

Calvin, I feel real good now. It's been weeks now after the initial surgery. I have my good days and my bad days.

DO YOU GET A CHANCE TO GET UP AND GET OUT AND ABOUT IN THE YARD?

I have to take every day as it comes. One day, I did try to get out and look around, but it was way too soon.. it was before my time. My biggest sunshine is when it's rehab time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 'cause I can get out and go somewhere. I enjoy those days. I get my little walker and watch people.

TELL ME ABOUT THE SURGERY.. A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER, WAS THE BRAIN SURGERY SUCCESSFUL?

The surgery was very successful. I got to the rehab center, Dr. Little had told me and my brother that it was a 5 per cent chance of my survival, but I was in that 5 per cent. They removed the tumor completely, no radiation, no chemo is needed at this time. I am really blessed to be in my position.. God is a good God.

THIS CONDITION JUST KINDA JUMPED OUT AT YOU, DIDN'T IT? JUST OUT OF A CLEAR BLUE SKY?..

I had been having problems, and this whole thing came about from a co-worker. We had challenged each other to grow a long beard for men's health, but I didn't know something else would develop from it. I was trying to, you know, get my beard on, and I had this hiccup problem. My co-worker was like, Xavier, get that fixed.' I said, 'it's not heartburn,' because it was a real deep hiccup. He said 'you gotta get that fixed.' One day back in November, I picked up this magazine and it was talking about men's health, and I got to thinking that I had been having these headaches, my fingers had been going numb, my tongue was numb, I was walking to the side a little bit.

I said to myself, 'Tim.. it's time to get yourself checked.'

(PICTURE AT RIGHT - INTENSIVE CARE UNIT)

TIM, HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?

I turned 39 years old in the hospital.

THAT'S YOUNG.. WAY YOUNG FOR THOSE KINDS OF SYMPTOMS.

Yeah, I know it. They tested me for diabetes, they tested me for everything. I kept telling my physician, 'm'amm, I'm sick.. something's wrong.' Finally on December 17th, she called me, said I got an MRI scheduled for 4 o'clock. I told the people on my job.. they were always looked at me as if 'why you always tired?' I'd be doing something and then have to stop and throw up. I had kids newly in daycare and I thought that maybe I was getting what they were bringing home. That day, I went to the hospital, and aboujt 5 o'clock, my doctor came out and said 'I need you to drink this 'cause I think we found something in your brain.' I thought 'what?' It was getting late in the day, and we had scheduled a weekend away in Charlotte (North Carolina), we were going to see some good friends in Charlotte. I found out about 7 o'clock, she came back and I said, 'are you going to let me go?' and she said 'no, the doctor who did the MRI wants to talk to you.'

(PICTURE AT LEFT - JOHNSON CITY MEDICAL CENTER)

WHO WAS WITH YOU?

I was by myself.. I had come right after I got off work. My fiancee Jessica didn't even know about the appointment I had at the hospital.. I work right across the street from it, and when I got home, we were just going to go to Charlotte. The doctor said 'look at this,' and he showed me the X-ray.. he told me the tumor was about the size of a nickel and it was right behind my brain, close to my spine. I said 'wow.' He said it needed to be removed before Christmas. He said 'is there anybody living with you right now?' I was really, really scared. To be honest, I did cry in the hospital, but when I got outside Calvin, I just broke down, 'cause it was like 'what's going on with me?' It was before Christmas, what do I do, my family.. what do I tell 'em, I got these kids.

TIM AND CALVIN IN THE JOHNSON CITY MEDICAL CENTER INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, SHORTLY AFTER SURGERY

So just any man who's trying to get his life right, I called my pastor, Reverend Donny Wade. He prayed for me right then, and honestly Calvin, right after we got off that phone, a sense of calm came over me. I'm talking jitteriness left me. Fear left me. I went home and we went on to Charlotte, had a good time. The next Tuesday, I went to my mama's 'cause I couldn't get an appointment for the surgery. I went to her Christmas party, and I didn't tell anybody then 'cause we had the family thing. The reason I didn't tell anybody was 'cause I didn't want to mess with anybody's holiday. I got little girls and I didn't want to ruin their Christmas, and I knew that God was in control of this. There was something about prayer, something about letting it go, released me. I knew everything was gonna be all right. I had finally got the sense to let go and leave it to God.

When I was a young man, when I was running.. I didn't have time to think a lot about getting sick. But He gave me the strength to see what was wrong, so I could run and see what the end was gonna look like, I had never really given that much thought. Now I know.

When I went back during the week of the (December) 30th, they wanted to get the surgery scheduled as soon as possible 'cause they were afraid the tumor was going to expand, so they put me on some kind of antibiotics to keep the swelling down. On the 30th, I was in the hospital. I had complications with the surgery. I had jerked one of the tubes out and I woke up with it out, and they had to put me back out and put the tube back in. At that time, you don't know what you're doing, you don't know where you are. I do remember waking up and couldn't breathe, and that was the scariest part of my life. 3 or 4 seconds of waking up and looking around, and trying to take breath, trying to gasp that air and you're telling yourself, 'breathe... breathe' and then I was out again.

It was scary. I was real close to checking out. Calvin, that three or 4 seconds of waking up and trying to take in air and not taking in enough to breathe. Trying to gasp it in.

THAT WAS AS CLOSE AS YOU GOT TO... LEAVING US.

Oh yeah.. That three or four seconds. That's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... was trying to just.. breathe. Then, I went back out. Back to sleep. My family was in the waiting room.. they didn't know about it until 6 or 7 that night that 'hey, he had some complications, you can go see him in a minute.'

I'm now working with my neurologist, having to learn how to use my tongue again to form words., how to use my legs to make steps.. a burp is new to me.. swallowing is new to me.. sticking my tongue out.. anything that we take for granted every day, is a new experience that I have to learn all over again how to do. Now when I get out and I see people, I watch 'em eat a hamburger and I want to slap 'em silly 'cause I want one (laughs)..

AFTER EVERYTHING, WHAT'S YOUR AVERAGE DAY LIKE HERE AT HOME?

Now?.. My average day for me is getting up and I try to do some of the rehab exercises they put me on, 'cause I can't wait for them to get here to do them with me all the time. It's hard for me to eat anything, so I wait to get 'plugged up' as I call it, and get fed. Pretty much after that, I'm a TV Guide.. if you want to know what's on, I can tell you from 9 to 7 o'clock at night. I'll tell you something.. I can't eat nothing, but I sit up here and watch the Food Channel all day long (laughs). 'Can't eat a thing, but I watch that Food Channel all..... day..... long (laughs).

AND WANT TO HIT THE TV...

Oh man, you just don't know. We went out on Valentine's Day, and bless their hearts, my family did not want to go. I'm like 'let's go out.. let's celebrate.' My daughter said 'we feel bad eating in front of you, and you can't eat anything.' Even though we went to I-HOP and had a good time.. they ate and we enjoyed it. Honestly Calvin, not eating for so long made me so humble.. so appreciative of the little things we take for granted. It makes you want to thank God for just being here and doing the little things. To look at a plate and knowing that you can't eat anything on it.

Once I did sneak a red drink from Krystal's and didn't tell anybody. Well I couldn't swallow it all, it went in my throat amd they knew, because next thing, it was all down my shirt (laughs). I learned my lesson from that.. what you can do, do.. what you can't, don't do it if you're not ready.

WHAT KIND OF DRINK WAS IT?

I don't know, but I had red juice everywhere. When I get well, I'm going over there and have me an extra large (laughs).

YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON THE HARD WAY..

I did learn my lesson. My pleasure now is to bless those people who are in my situation. Bless those people who are still now in the rehab. Now, I need to focus on my goal plans. I can have fun, I can eat food, and I can act stupid (laughs). Right now, I'm having to eat pudding, everything pureeded or mashed up. I can have a hamburger without the bun. You shoulda seen me when I went to rehab last week.. I was chomping all over the place. They gave these little swab things that are made out of linen. I said, 'girl, you got me some suckers for the Grammy Awards.'

IS THE OLD TIM EVER COMING BACK?

Tim is on his way.. Ole Tim is on his way back. Don't let Tim fool you (laughs). You know Calvin, when I first heard of this (brain tumor), the doctor was telling me 'oh you'll be sitting up on the edge of the bed the day you have the surgery, you'll be walking.. three or four days, you'll be on your way home,' I thought 'what?' I said 'you don't know what you're talking about, I'm gonna be in here a week.' 5 weeks later, I'm frustrated 'cause I'm still in here.

Now, realistically thinking.. I will be on my 'A' game by June, July. Doing the rehab program, that's what I am shooting for. Taking my time and not rushing this, and that's the biggest thing for me.. as a young man, I have to take it slow. I have to take my time. When I started walking back again, I'd take off.. That's how you walk. But I had to realize that I had to slow down and take my time.. I know now what them elderly people were talking about when they say 'hey honey, slow down.. I can't keep up with that.' I know what they say when they say 'look.. it takes me two hours to get ready' because it takes ME two hours to get ready to go somewhere. I know what they mean now.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOU'RE READY? EVERYBODY'S BEEN ASKING ME 'IS HE GONNA DO CONCERTS, IS HE GONNA DO APPEARANCES, HOW'S HE GONNA DO 'EM.. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ACT?' PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ASKING.

Wow.. I know it may be hard at first. They may not know how to approach me at first.. so I guess I will just have to approach them. The crazy part about that question is.. I have thought about that question, 'is Tim gonna return to the stage doing comedy again.. what's gonna be Tim's motivation, what is now gonna be his platform if he does go back on stage?'

Calvin, just look at my shows. I've got people from the streets in my shows. Now, bringing me through this, I can't just go out there and forget what brought me through all this. I've got to end my concert with a positive message, even if it's just me saying 'get yourself checked.' I've thought about that, and I've thought about the shows. You just mark this in bold print: I'M HAVING THAT SHOW. YOU MAY AS WELL BRING YOUR SPIT BUCKET 'CAUSE I'M HAVING THAT SHOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S ON, IT'S ON. It's all me, it's all me.. it's what I have experienced, it's what I been through, and the new stuff that I had wrote prior. That's the beauty of this all.. I still remember what happened before. I still remember my punch lines.. even with my rehab, my speech lady made me do one of my routines, as speech therapy.

SHE DID?

Oh yeah.. she made me do it just to make sure, and it was funny that I did it 'cause she said 'save the key words for your timing.' I said, 'aw man, that worked.' I'm looking at the latter part of the summer.. you tell folks to get ready to start laughing.. to be honest with you Calvin, even though I might be hurting or I might be going through this, I have not lost my sense of humor. Anybody that has came and seen me, or some people came and seen me two days after.. that is what made me. If you can't laugh, then you got a problem 'cause laughter is good for the soul.. it brightens you. Even in the hospitals and the rehab, all the nurses would come in my room and I would say 'how am I gonna get smart with you when you giving me my medicine to make me healthy?'

It's all what you give people and what you get back. I heard a comment a long time ago by Sidney Portier.. he said 'the character of a man is how he takes care of his kids and himself.' I loved that. All you got, besides your Social Security card is your name. That's all you got. If somebody can't say Tim Hall or Xavier Hall can't think positive, I don't want nothing to do with them. I appreciate the respect. But remember the day... I'm coming back to the stage. I've even figured out 'am I gonna be in a wheelchair or crutches, or is mama gonna carry me on stage (laughs).. I don't know, but I'm gonna be on somebody's stage, even with a doctor near. I've thought about the Renaissance Center.. I've dreamed this stuff. But as you said, that's been one of my number one questions. 'Tim, I know you got a show for me.' I'm like 'can I get out of the hospital first?' (laughs) 'Let me get up out of this bed.. get them tubes off of me first.'

I'm so humbled, that so many people have so much love, that they love me that much as to think of that. It makes me feel good, for someone who literally Calvin, self-rolled himself in the comedy world. Right now there at the Renaissance Center.. 20 people came to hear me the first time.. Linda Rogers was the first one to come to me after my show and say 'Tim, I thought you were just gonna get up there and mumble. But you actually had a SHOW. That was AMAZING!' I said 'for real?' She said, 'I thought you were just gonna get up there and talk, but you ran through it, it went well.' After that, my big break was when the Elks invited me over to do a show for them. That was about 40-50 people, and from there, folks started coming.. got to work with the BET cast, and I just made it, just made it, you know. I started hosting events in Knoxville.

AND YOU WANT TO GET BACK TO THAT LEVEL..

Oh yeah.. I enjoy the traveling with it, bringing New Year's in in Baltimore. For a Kingsport guy to cruise into DC, I said 'I'm a celebrity.' I wasn't trying to toot my horn, but it felt good. I announced with Steve Harvey and all those guys, traveling in the car.. we were one day in one city, then back. Back then, my money wasn't that good. Going to Atlanta.. being invited outside my area is great. All the entertainers out there, and you requested me? Going down to Birmingham.. all the comics I got to see and work with.

LET'S TALK MONEY. THIS WAS AN EXPENSIVE SURGERY YOU JUST HAD.

Yes sir.. yes sir, it was. I haven't yet fathomed my mind around about it. You see that basket up there, top of the shelf? That's bills. That's my bills. The ones that are opened are the 15-dollar co-pay's where I go here, I go there and I pay them as I get to 'em. I've had one.. two.. three.. up to 5 MRI's and cat scans, and just one MRI cost me a thousand dollars. That's not counting the surgery, the 5-week hospital stay, that's not counting the two-week rehabilitation stay.. that's not counting the outpatient that I'm in.. and the therapy. Not to mention, what it cost to run this (gestures around the house). This place needs electricity, heat, air conditioning, food (even though I can't eat it).. the kids need groceries, I don't need it, I can drink my food.. It hasn't gotten there yet, but it's getting there, almost to the limit and I'm not working, bringing in a paycheck to pay for things. I'm not the kind of people that says 'oh I need help, can you help me?' Insurance is paying for a lot, but after the 20 per cent is taken off each thing that you have to pay. It does add up.

Yes, it worries me. A year ago, when I was running and trying not to have any kind of surgery, it didn't matter. But now that I have grown up after this surgery, I need that bill paid and I have to figure it out some way. I won't look at 'em right now, I might look at 'em tomorrow. I'm lucky to have a job that will let me get this stuff of paying everything off, started. I'm blessed to have a job so I can do my part to pay this all back. But I still got this (gestures the house again).

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE FUNDRAISER TO HELP YOU WITH THE BILLS?

I've heard bits and pieces of it, on the 24th of March. (EDITOR'S NOTE -- this date has now changed to Sunday, April 1, 2012) I look forward to it, I really do. I look forward to, what's coming. The singing, the appreciation, you know, the blessings. I know it's gonna be soul-stirring, heart-renching. I can't guarantee I won't cry, you know what I'm saying, 'cause I'm a crybaby.. I've learned how to cry, you know. But I'm looking forward to what people have to say, because I love them all.. they're all like my family.

I say this with all honesty, Calvin.. when I was sitting here on my own, figuring everything out, and my family was asleep and I was here to myself.. I thought, 'what would happen if something happened to me? Where would the funeral be, where would this be, where would that be? Calvin, my mind was going.. I'm thinking of my church, Mt. Zion Baptist.. oh, we'll bust that place out in there. Oh, we'll probably have to have it at Central. That's where my mind went..

YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT DEATH?

Yeah, I was preparing myself in my mind. Who would come, who would speak.. And then, when Johnnie Mae (Swagerty) called me back and said that we were having my program at Central, two months ago I would have thought that they would have to roll me into Central.. but two months, I'm gonna be walking into Central.

Wow. That was the deepest thing I took out of that, is I thought that I was not letting God take control of things. He said, no, we're gonna have a celebration.. a celebration of life. I'm very grateful of it.. I'm not going to talk about it as part of my routine. I thought no, I ain't going up there, they'll bury me up there (laughs). But the more I thought about it, the people that I know, the people who really genuinely on Facebook, are all the people who are praying for me.. I appreciate that. I really do.

Calvin, people have been praying for me from here to God-knows-where. I did not know that I have affected that many people, since I had my daughter put that thing on Facebook about my surgery. She called me back and said 'Daddy, you got 120 comments on there.' I said 'what?' She said, 'they're all loving and praying for you tonight.' Just to know that many people really, really care about me, is a humbling, honoring, loveable thing.. I can't thank everybody enough for what they've done.. the ones who have brought here and there, brought my family dinner, or bought me gas when I have to go to Johnson City and back.. the daily things for helping my kids.. Monique at the barber shop... first time I went in there, my hair looked like I had fought somebody.. they gave me a free haircut. Those things in themselves were just... love. You don't understand the humbling that I have experienced. If you don't anything else, you've done enough, and I sure do appreciate it.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL ALL THOSE PEOPLE, THOSE WHO CAN COME TO THE EVENT ON THE 24TH AND THOSE WHO MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE THERE?

First off, if you can't come to it, you're gonna miss something. That's all I'm gonna tell you (laughs).

UH OH.. YOU GOT SOMETHING PLANNED..

Yeah, yeah.. I got something for y'all. I know how to perform, myself. I got something for 'ya. Truthfully, from the bottom of my heart, I love you all. Thank you with everything I got. My family thanks you.. I can't say enough of what it feels like to be loved. You know who your true friends are, who's there for you, and they have truly been there for me and my family. I have felt the prayers of everybody. I haven't had anybody that I have hung with on a daily basis, not call me. I thank y'all, and I hope to still be able to be the Tim Hall that you know me as.. silly.. cut-up.. (laughs).. but from the bottom of my heart, I love 'y'all. Thank you so, so much.